


This Is Fine

by Tonystarkisaslut



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Infidelity, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Minor Bucky Barnes/Tony Stark, Multi, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:27:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24391285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tonystarkisaslut/pseuds/Tonystarkisaslut
Summary: Tony suggests a threesome. Peter should say no, but he says yes anyway.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Peter Parker/Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Tony Stark
Comments: 58
Kudos: 162





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings (mostly spoiler free): angst, threesome, feelings, annoying non-communication between our main dudes
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~
> 
> Warnings (with spoilers): winteriron is mutually pining and Peter knows it. Self deprecation, very stupid selflessness, for once I made it so no one was the bad guy. (Tony is kinda the bad guy if you wanna be super on him, but he’s just dumb not a bad guy). Ambiguous/hopeful ending.

“I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at Bucky,” Tony says, kissing at Peter’s neck.

Peter bites his tongue, because the way Peter has been looking at Bucky is in the ‘I’ve just realized you and my boyfriend are in love’ way and not the ‘I wanna fuck you’ way. “I haven’t been!”

Tony laughs softly, and it tickles Peter. “I’m not mad hun. I was just wondering if you wanted to play with him? In a threesome? I mean, I know there’s a difference between enjoying the view and wanting to be intimate with someone, so if I guessed wrong I’ll drop it.”

And here’s the thing: Peter knows Tony isn’t lying. He knows Peter could say no, and Tony wouldn’t ever bring it up again. He also knows Tony would never cheat on him. Which leaves two options—Tony leaves him to try it out with Bucky, or he stays with Peter and silently thinks about what could have been with Bucky.

And Peter honestly couldn’t tell you which of those two options makes Peter hurt worse.

Or, secret options numbers three and four: Peter says yes to a threesome, Tony tries Bucky out, and either gets it out of his system and is able to move on, or he likes Bucky more than Peter and he leaves Peter.

50/50, heads or tails, red or black. One isn’t more likely than the other, but one is devestating and the other is freeing.

Four results, two different basic outcomes. Which one does Peter think will hurt less? Will it hurt less if Tony leaves him without even knowing if he and Bucky will work? Or will it hurt more after _seeing_ the two of them connect in front of his very eyes?

Peter lets out a heavy breath. If he’s going to lose Tony, he might as well get a good fuck out of it, right? “Yeah, okay. That sounds like… that sounds awesome.”

Tony laughs fondly, kissing Peter’s cheek. “Okay, damn, I’ll talk to Bucky. Haven’t heard you this excited since we found out you like your puppy gear.”

Peter forces a laugh, because apparently his mental break down sounds like excitement. “Okay, I guess just… let me know what’s going to happen and when.”

~

“Barnes,” Tony calls, smiling brightly at the man.

Bucky turns and gives a small smile in return. “Hey, Tony. What’s up?”

Tony shifts a bit, slightly awkward. “I um, well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Peter has been kinda staring at you a lot.”

Bucky snorts. As if the Winter Soldier wouldn’t notice something like that.

Tony clears his throat and keeps going. “Anyway, I offered a threesome as a joke—” lie, that’s a fucking lie, why did he lie about that? “—and um, he was super eager about it. So like, if you wanted to…”

Bucky leans back, staring at Tony. “This is a very bad idea, Stark. And don’t pretend you don’t know why,” he says, not unkindly.

Tony bites his lip and thinks for a moment, before sighing. “Maybe it is. Or maybe you’re horrible in bed and I’ll never be able to look you in the eyes again, let alone whatever-whatever this is.”

Bucky gives him an unimpressed look. “This will hurt Peter, Tony. You can’t do this to him.”

Tony looks away, before looking back. “I’ll leave him if I don’t. I’m not good at impulse control, Barnes, you know that better than most people. I can’t stay still, I can’t get complacent.” I can’t be happy for too long before the urge to set everything on fire so it isn’t taken away from me sets in.

Bucky seems to think for a long moment. “He’s a good kid, Tony.” He doesn’t deserve this.

Tony nods in acknowledgment. “He is. Maybe he was always _too_ good.” Too good for me, too sweet and pure and nice for someone broken and mean like Tony.

Bucky isn’t too good for Tony. He’s also broken and mean and far from pure and innocent. He and Tony would make a perfect shit cake. “If Peter is okay with it, then I’ll try.”

~

Peter doesn’t know what they talked about, but now Bucky is in Tony’s bed and Tony is standing by the window with a scotch in his hand and Peter is staring like a dumbass.

Well, it could have been a lot worse. He could have walked in to see they started without him. “Well um… thanks for the heads up, Tony, real good job of telling me the how and when.”

Tony turns and smiles sheepishly, downing the rest of his tumbler and setting it down. “Sorry baby boy, I just wanted to surprise you! You were just so eager!”

Peter smiles tightly, blushing a bit. He isn’t prepared, mentally. He isn’t ready for this to be the maybe-possibly last time he and Tony are happy together. He hasn’t prepared himself to watch Tony and Bucky click yet.

More importantly, he doesn’t know how this is physically going to work. Is Peter in the middle? Is it going to be oral? Is Peter just going to watch while they go at it? He _hates_ not knowing, and he hates that Tony sprung this on him.

Tony looks between them. “We can cancel, or reschedule. I’m sorry, it was more of a spur of the moment thing.”

Peter sighs and shakes his head. “No, it’s okay. How is this going to work, though?”

“Well, what do you want, Pete? This is all for you, after all.” Tony says.

Right. He’s still pretending it’s Peter who’s pining after Bucky. “Well, what about you Buck? You’re the guest, here.”

Bucky seems a bit uncomfortable being put on the spot, but he only shrugs. “I mean, it would make sense for me to be in the middle, right? Since you’re like, sharing me…”

“Or Tony in the middle,” Peter corrects. Since he’s _actually_ the person being shared.

Tony seems to have caught that, because he shifts uncomfortably too. Wow, this is such a fucking awkward threesome. Are they always this awkward?

“Or you could be in the middle, honey.” Tony says softly. “Don’t you want to be with Bucky too?”

Peter clears his throat, because no, not really he doesn’t. “Okay, then Bucky in the middle would make most sense.” This is why he wanted to _talk_ about it first! This is so awkward!

“Or like, we could 69 and Bucky could fuck you, or we could both fuck you, or he could fuck you and you could suck me off, or-“

Peter sighs loudly. “How about You fuck Bucky and he sucks me off? Or eats me out, whichever you want. Or he could fuck me missionary during it. I just wanna be able to watch, I don’t wanna stare at the bedsheets.”

Tony nods slowly. “That could work. And we can always switch it up halfway through if you like, don’t forget that.”

Peter nods. “Okay. Give me a couple minutes I’m the bathroom, let me freshen up.”

Peter closes the bathroom door behind him, and leans against it. He takes in a shuddery breath, wiping away his tears before they can make his face red.

This could be the last time he ever has sex with his boyfriend, and he won’t even be the one having sex with him.

He collects himself, before going back out. He can do this.

Tony and Bucky are both naked, on the bed. Tony is at the very end of the bed, kneeling behind Bucky—who is on all fours—and fingering him open.

Peter takes advantage of neither of them being able to see him, and lets his face show his pain for a moment. They couldn’t even wait two minutes for him?

He lets them have a minute—he wonders if he should offer to just watch. But then, maybe not. Maybe they won’t be like this if they’re aware they have an audience.

Like Bucky sighing happily and pushing back onto Tony’s fingers. Like Tony whispering praises in Bucky’s ear, talking about how good and perfect he is.

Peter has to stop himself from crying yet again. How is he going to get through this?

He strips down, schooling his expression to be a seductive one. “Already starting, are we?”

Tony looks up at Peter, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry, baby boy. Just wanted to get him ready so we could focus on you.”

Peter smiles tightly. When did Tony become such a good liar?

He climbs into bed, wiggling his way under Bucky. “I don’t need much prep, Bucky. Wanna feel you.”

Bucky nods, schooling his face into a neutral one. He gets some lube from Tony and quickly presses two fingers into Peter.

“Hey, careful! Just because he doesn’t need much doesn’t mean he can’t get hurt,” Tony scolds.

Why does Tony caring about Peter hurt more than watching them start without him?

“Sorry, Tony,” Bucky says and _ouch_. Peter is back to just being a sex object then.

“It’s fine,” Peter says, after clearing his throat. “Just hurry up. Been wanting you inside me for so long now!” He lies.

Bucky smirks down at him. “Yeah? You want me inside of you? Want my big fat cock tearing you apart? Never gonna be the same again, are you?” He scissors his fingers apart.

Peter mewls, eyes fluttering shut. Thank god Bucky is good at dirty talk. Peter is already half hard, and he was nervous he wouldn’t be able to.

Peter gets lost it in, for a few minutes. In the pleasure, in the whispered dirty talk, in everything.

“Here,” Tony says, passing Bucky a condom. Tony also puts one on, which is kinda stupid in Peter’s eyes but whatever.

He whimpers as Bucky finally pushes into him, and opens his eyes. He needs to _see_ it.

He regrets his decision.

Bucky is leaning back into Tony’s chest, eyes closed as he slowly fucks Peter. Tony’s eyes aren’t closed. He’s looking at Bucky, whispering in his ear, holding Bucky’s chest to keep him closer.

It’s like Peter is just a sex toy. A fleshlight to be used by Bucky while he’s getting fucked by Tony. Like he isn’t even here.

Bucky finishes first, and Peter jerks himself off to finish with him. He assumes Tony is quick to follow judging his noises.

The second Bucky is out of him, Peter bolts to the bathroom. He turns on the shower, hopping in before the water can warm up.

He scrubs. _Hard_. Everywhere, every single inch of his skin he scrubs as hard as he can. He scrubs hard and fast so that he doesn’t have time to think, to cry, to do anything.

When his skin is an angry pink and he’s run out of places to scrub, he stands under the spray and looks up at the ceiling.

Tony is going to leave him.

Peter suddenly wonders if he always was. If Peter was never going to be what Tony needs and wants. He wonders if Bucky hadn’t come along, if Tony still would have left him.

He wonders what’s wrong with him, that Tony can’t be happy with him.

~

Tony lays on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Bucky is beside him. Neither of them are enjoying the after glow.

“He knows,” Bucky says quietly. It isn’t a question, or an accusation. It’s just a fact.

Tony nods slowly. “Do you think he knew…before? Or were we just that obvious?”

Bucky turns to look at Tony. “I think he knew before. He didn’t seem to be all that excited for this…threesome.”

Tony winces. He doesn’t look at Bucky. “I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.”

“Better,” Bucky says without hesitation. “It means he knew what he was signing up for and signed up anyway.”

Tony closes his eyes, hand coming up to tap at his reactor. “He’s too good for me, Bucky,” he says, a confession. A heart broken promise. “He deserves better.”

Bucky hums in acknowledgement. “Yeah, he does. He’s good, and kind. And we’re broken and mean.”

Tony clenches his jaw. “ _I’m_ broken and mean. You’re just broken.” He turns to Bucky, finally looking at him. “Broken things can be fixed. Mean can’t.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “You’re the most self-sabotaging person I’ve ever met, and I grew up with Steve Rogers as my best friend.”

Tony snorts and looks to the bathroom. “My dad always said that if anyone was going to be able to ruin my life, it would be me.”

“Why? Why do you ruin everything good in your life? Why can’t you just be happy?”

Tony shakes his head. “I don’t deserve good things to happen to me, Barnes. My dad made that _very_ clear. I get scared, when good things start to happen to me. Because I know it won’t last. And if _I_ ruin it, it won’t hurt me as much.”

Bucky sits up, going to get dressed again. “Well, congratulations. You hurt Peter instead of yourself.”

Tony winces, rubbing at his forehead. “He deserves a hell of a lot better than me anyway. God, I fucking love him so much, Bucky. I’ve never wanted someone this bad before in my entire life.”

“Not even me?” Bucky asks, teasing. He knows the answer.

“I wanna spend the rest of my life with him. I wanna wake up with him next to me. I wanna burn his eggs for the rest of my life. I wanna upgrade his suit and fly next to him. I wanna have kids with him, and watch stupid princess movies on the couch with them. I wanna fall asleep listening to his cute ass little snores that he completely denies he has. I wanna put a rock the size of the moon on his finger and marry him in front of the whole world and-“

“Tony…” Bucky looks at him, pained.

Tony opens his eyes, sitting up to look at him. “And I don’t deserve it.”

Bucky clenches his jaw. “Don’t leave him.”

Tony shakes his head, laying back down. “I’m-“

“Then go to therapy for fucks sake, Stark. For once in your god damn life, just let yourself be happy without ruining it.” Bucky slams the door behind him as he leaves.

Tony stands up, after laying there for a bit longer. He tests the knob—it isn’t locked. He goes into the shower, wrapping his arms around Peter.

Peter gasps loudly, jumping. “Oh! You scared me, Tony. I didn’t think you-“

“We need to talk,” he whispers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More angst. Happy ending later on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for eating disorders and self hatred

_“We need to talk.”_

Peter closes his eyes, biting back a whimper. Those words are dangerous. They’re a poisoned knife. Even a small slice is deadly. They’re the end of Peter.

“Wait,” Peter says instead. He leans into Tony’s chest, letting the spray of the water wash over him. “Not yet. Please not yet, Tony. Just a little longer. Please?”

Tony swallows; Peter can feel it against his head. “How much longer?” He asks.

Peter can’t hold back the wounded noise he makes. He knew it was over. He _knew_ it. “Only a little longer. Just—maybe just tonight. Just one more night. Please?”

Tony is quiet, but then he kisses the top of Peter’s head and nods. “Okay. Do you want to sleep in your room tonight?”

Peter nods, relaxing into Tony. One more night. Only one more night before Tony leaves him. One more night of pretending to be happy.

He’s gotta make it count.

~

Peter didn’t sleep very well. But he got a lot of cuddles, so that made it better.

But now it’s morning, and Peter had only asked for a night.

He stays on Tony’s chest, playing with his arc reactor. Drawing circles on it, tapping it silently. He’s going to miss it. It’s like his personal night light.

Tony wraps his arms around Peter, and Peter stays silent. This is a gift. Tony is giving Peter a gift. The gift of just a little while longer.

It doesn’t last, of course. Tony sighs heavily, and Peter screws his face up. He knows what’s coming.

“Pete-“

“Coffee first?” Peter tries. “And breakfast. After breakfast, then we can talk.”

Tony sighs heavily again, but he hums his assent. “After breakfast, then.”

Peter makes the coffee, and Tony burns their eggs. Peter eats every bite. Slow, savoring it. He’s going to miss burned eggs. He never thought he would say that.

After putting the dishes away, Tony leans against the counter, crossing his arms. “Now we talk,” he says softly.

Peter’s lower lip wobbles. He isn’t _ready_.

But, he doesn’t think he ever _will_ be ready. So it might as well happen now. “Will you kiss me one more time, before we talk?” Peter whispers. He isn’t sure his voice wouldn’t break if he spoke any louder.

Tony doesn’t hesitate this time. He pulls Peter into himself, giving Peter a _good_ kiss. It’s bittersweet, because Peter knows it’s their last.

Peter is the one to pull away, because he’s starting to cry and he doesn’t want their last kiss to be gross. He takes a deep breath, wiping his tears away, squaring his shoulders.

“I’m ready now,” Peter says, voice strong. It’s a lie. He isn’t ready. But he’s ready _enough_.

Tony stares at Peter. Peter just wants to get this over with, so he can go and cry in peace without risk of Tony seeing him.

“Well? Go on. You said we need to talk,” Peter urges.

Tony looks down, at this. “Okay. I think we should break up.”

Peter feels like he was punched in the gut. He didn’t think Tony was going to be so _blunt_. He thought maybe Tony would give him a bit more. Maybe a “I love you, but…” or even “I’m sorry Peter, but…”

Peter feels his mask slip and the pain contort his face into something ugly. He quickly regained control over himself, however, and nodded once. “Okay,” Peter whispers.

Tony won’t look at him. He doesn’t say anything else, either. No “I’m sorry” no “I love you” no anything. Silence.

Peter nods to himself, and then clears his throat. “Oh. Is that it?”

Tony nods, still staring at the ground.

Peter whispers another “oh,” and shifts. What does one do, after they’re dumped? What is Peter supposed to do? What’s he supposed to say?

Tony looks to the ceiling, rubbing the back of his neck. “Do you need something?” He asks.

 _You_ , Peter doesn’t say. Instead, he clears his throat and shakes his head. “No, I just… nothing. It was stupid. I’ll uh… um… yeah. I’ll just go, then.”

“Okay,” Tony says. He still stares at the ceiling.

Peter walks slowly to the elevator. He steps inside of it. It lets him out at his old floor. The one he hasn’t used since…

He calmly walks to his old room. There’s nothing in here anymore. Just a bed. No sheets or covers, no clothes in the closet, no picture or posters. Just an empty bed.

Peter sits on the ground, after closing his door. He sits leaning against the door, head resting against it as he stares at the ceiling.

“Oh,” he whispers to himself. “Oh.”

~

Peter doesn’t quite remember the rest of that day. He knows he cried a lot. He knows he drank even more. He knows he didn’t move from the floor very often. He knows he fell asleep on the floor.

He woke up on the floor, too. With a bad headache and an even worse backache.

He took a shower, because he felt gross. It didn’t help. It didn’t matter how much he scrubbed, he couldn’t get himself clean. He isn’t good enough. He never will be.

He went to the communal kitchen. He thinks someone usually puts poptarts in the pantry.

Bucky walks in, and freezes. “Peter? What are you doing here?”

Peter looks up, poptarts forgotten. Seeing Bucky hurts a lot more than he thought it would.

Bucky Fucked him last night. His dick was inside Peter’s ass. They were as intimate as two people could possibly be; yet Peter feels like he doesn’t know Bucky at all. Feels like Bucky has never met him before.

“Um… getting breakfast?” Peter says it like a question.

Bucky frowns. “Why aren’t you in the penthouse?”

Peter swallows. Takes a couple deep breaths. “Tony broke up with me,” he manages to get out. “So um, I moved back into my floor. I don’t have any food in that kitchen yet, so…”

Bucky doesn’t look happy. He doesn’t look like someone who just realized the person he’s in love with is available now. “He broke up with you? Why?!”

Peter lets himself show a little pain, this time. That was a _mean_ question. “Because… because he’s in love with you, and he wants to be with you.”

Bucky’s jaw clenched. “He told you that?”

Peter feels his shoulders tense. “Are you trying to hurt me? He’s already yours, you don’t have to rub salt in the wound.”

“He loves you,” Bucky says. “This doesn’t make any sense.”

Peter smiles, watery. Bucky isn’t even _trying_ to hurt Peter. “Or he didn’t love me, and he was just really good at pretending. He didn’t say he loved me.”

Bucky shakes his head. “Why did he break up with you? He wasn’t supposed to break up with you.”

Peter bites the inside of his cheek. “I don’t know, Bucky. I guess he got tired of putting up with me. Everyone does in the end, it’s just a matter of time. I just…thought this time might be different. Stupid me.” Peter leaves, before Bucky asks even more stupid questions.

He lays on his sheet less bed, staring at the ceiling as he cries silently. “Why am I unlovable,” he whispers softly. “Why aren’t I good enough? Why am I so broken? Why does everyone get tired of me? Why does no one want me around? Why am I like this?”

He takes a nap, on the bed. He has nightmares. He always has nightmares when he isn’t sleeping with Tony.

~

“What the hell did you do?”

“Good morning to you too, Bucky.”

“You dumped Peter,” Bucky yells. “That’s the exact opposite of what I told you to do!”

“He deserves better than me,” Tony answers. “I’m not good enough for him.”

“You told him you love me! That you don’t want him! That _he_ isn’t good enough!”

Tony glares. “No I-“

“Yes you did! Even if you didn’t say the words themselves, you told him that. Because now he’s in the communal kitchen crying because you love me and not him, and something about everyone getting tired of him eventually.”

Tony ducks his head. “He’s been dumped before. Four times. It didn’t work out, they didn’t work. It wasn’t Peter’s fault.”

“Does Peter know that?” Bucky seethes. “Does he believe it isn’t his fault? Or did he just get dumped for the fifth time and now is wondering why he’s never good enough for anyone?”

Tony’s hands are shaking. “Bucky-“

“I said fix it. Not scrap it.” Bucky goes to the door. “He hates himself. He’s going to hate himself for the rest of his life. He’s going to hide in the shadows, stay where he’s unnoticed. He’s going to fade away.”

“He-“

“Fix. It.”

~

Peter stares at the wall, coffee untouched. He’s been doing that a lot lately. Staring at the wall. Lost in thought. It used to be about what he should do, with Tony. Now all he can think about is how he isn’t good enough.

He wonders what part of him is unlovable. Tony said he found Peter’s rambling endearing. He said Peter being a nerd always made Tony smile. He said Peter being selfless was what made Tony love him in the first place.

He read somewhere that a lot of the time, the reason people fall out of love is the same reason they fall in love in the first place. Maybe his ramblings turned from endearing to annoying. Maybe his nerd tendencies went from smile enduring to eye-roll worthy. Maybe his selflessness rotted into stupidness.

Or maybe Peter really is just unlovable. Maybe he’s just meant to be alone. Maybe it’s for the better Tony dumped him. Maybe it’s a message from the universe that he’ll never find true happiness.

Or maybe it’s none of the above. Maybe Bucky is just better. Maybe Bucky is tighter, or hotter. Maybe Bucky gives Tony something Peter can’t. Maybe Bucky is the love of Tony’s life, and Tony just couldn’t pretend to be happy with Peter anymore.

Maybe it’s all of the above. Maybe Tony fell out of love, and Peter really is unlovable, and Bucky is everything Peter isn’t. Maybe it’s just how it’s supposed to be.

Peter thinks about their last kiss. Tony kissed him so sweet. It was like most of their passionate kisses. It was how it always was.

He thinks, that must mean Tony never really loved Peter. If his break up kiss was the same as every other one. There was no lack of usual passion, no less feeling of desire and love. Maybe that means Peter had made it all up in his head. Tony never really wanted him, never loved him.

Peter closes his eyes, leaning back in his chair. Liz had said Peter turned out to be too weird for her. MJ had said he was too immature. Flash had told him he was bad in bed, and ugly, and that he never really liked Peter anyway. Harry had said Peter was beneath him, ugly and poor and too stupid. Too innocent and immature.

Maybe Tony saw the same things. He thinks Peter is too weird. He likes Peter is immature. He thinks he’s bad in bed. Ugly. Stupid.

Peter sure _feels_ ugly and stupid.

Peter stands, going to the bathroom. He stares at himself in the mirror. His lips are gross, aren’t they. There’s nothing there. When he smiles, he looks like a lizard. He looks gross. His eyes are the shade of shit. Gross. Ugly. His cheeks are fat and he looks like he has a frog in his mouth. His eyebrows are ugly, and they don’t have a good shape. His nose looks like a potato. His ears are too big. His hair is weird, and never stays down when he combs it.

He really is ugly, he decides.

He must be bad in bed, too. Maybe his moaning is annoying. Maybe he doesn’t put enough effort into it. Maybe his ass isn’t good enough. Maybe his thighs are too muscly. Maybe his stomach grossed Tony out. Maybe his arms are too weak looking. Maybe they’re too big. Maybe he’s too enthusiastic. Maybe he’s too quiet. Peter doesn’t know.

He pulls out his phone, and dials Flash for the first time in over a year. “Penis,” he’s greeted.

Peter works his jaw. “You said I was bad in bed.” It isn’t a question.

He hears a scoff on the other end of the line. “Yeah, I did.”

“How was I bad? What was I doing wrong?” Peter asks.

He hears a pleased sound on the other end of the line. “You were so annoying! All those fucking noises, I couldn’t even think. You were so loud. And you only ever bottomed, that was annoying too. You always made me do all the work. Your ass is too big, it turned me off, but your face was worse to look at. Lose lose situation. And don’t get me started on your legs, they had to be the most disgusting pair of legs I’ve ever seen on a dude. And-“

“Thanks, Flash,” Peter manages before he hangs up. Okay. So he’s ugly, and he’s bad in bed. Very bad in bed. That’s embarrassing.

He stares at his phone again, for a minute. He dials Harry. “You thought I was bad in bed.”

Harry seems to be caught off guard. “Hello to you too, Parker. Oh I’m great, thanks for asking. My dad’s fine, nice of you to ask!”

Peter grits his teeth. “Harry.”

Harry sighs. “Yeah, I did. You just laid there and didn’t do anything. Not my type.”

Peter swallows thickly. “Right. Gotcha.”

“Why are you asking? You seem to please Stark, what’s it matter we weren’t a good match?”

Peter laughs, bitter and broken. He heard Harry make a small sound of alarm. “He dumped me too. He found someone else.”

Harry is quiet for a minute. “Oh, Peter. I’m so sorry. Getting cheated on fucking sucks. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”

Peter sniffles, and he knows it sounds gross. He clears his throat. “Anyway, I’ve been thinking. About what’s wrong with me. About why I’m never good enough. And I thought I would ask someone who would know.”

“Peter… Peter, just because our personalities didn’t match well doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough.”

Peter laughs, broken again. “I thought we matched just fine. I thought you loved me. I thought we were happy together. You were the one who didn’t like me.”

“Peter-“

“I’ve gotta go,” Peter lies. “Thanks for the information.”

“Peter, Wait-“

Peter ends the call, and goes back to staring at himself in the mirror. He nods to himself. At least now he knows. He knows everything about why he isn’t good enough.

Well… not everything.

“Hello?”

“Hey, MJ. It’s Peter.”

“Peter!” She says. “Hey! How are you?”

“I’m… I’m… why did you break up with me?” He asks.

It’s quiet for a long time, but then she sighs. “I was cheating on you with Brad, and I wanted to be with him instead. It was wrong of me, and I never should have-“

“What was it? About me? That you didn’t like?”

“Nothing, Peter. It was a dumb mistake, and I never should have hurt you like that.”

“What made you want him more than me?” He begs.

MJ hesitates again. “At first, it was just… he was there. When you weren’t. You kept standing me up to be Spider-Man… so I… I just wanted to try it.”

Peter closes his eyes, tears tracking down his face. “A-and after?”

MJ sighs sadly. “He was really good in bed. And he didn’t stand me up.”

Peter makes a wounded noise. He must be _terrible_. Three for three. Probably four for four. “Right.”

“Peter… I’m so sor-“

“Congrats on the engagement, by the way,” Peter says, voice breaking. “Saw it on Facebook.”

MJ doesn’t say anything for a long time.

“Okay, well. Thanks for telling me.” He hangs up.

He goes to his bed, laying on it. He cries. For a very long time. He really is unlovable.

~

Bucky frowns. “Why haven’t you gotten back together with Peter yet?”

“I’m not going to,” Tony says. “I told you that.”

“You need to! He needs you, and you love him!”

Tony frowns. “So you don’t want to have sex?”

Bucky grits his teeth. “Get back together with Peter. Talk it out. Go to therapy. You love each other.”

Tony kisses at Bucky’s neck and shoulders. “I love you. And I know you love me too. We deserve each other, Bucky. Neither of us are good people, neither of us deserve good things.” He starts to tug at Bucky’s shirt. “If it works out, then good for us. If it doesn’t, work e didn’t deserve it anyway.”

Bucky leans into the touches. “Peter deserves to feel loved by you. And you want a future with him.”

Tony falls to his knees, kissing right above Bucky’s pants lines. “I do. I do want a future with him. That’s why I can’t have it.”

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Bucky says, pushing his ass out.

Tony hums in agreement, pulling Bucky’s pants down and kissing a cheek. “Peter deserves better,” he says.

Bucky gasps and moans, leaning into the touches some more. “Shouldn’t he have a say?”

Tony pauses. “He’ll say he wants me anyway.”

Bucky reaches around, fisting a hand in Tony’s hair. They can talk after. Bucky really wants Tony’s mouth doing something else.

~

Word spread quickly, about Bucky and Tony being together. Peter knows this, because everyone keeps giving him these pitying looks. They feel bad for him. Because the person he’s in love with moved on to someone else in two days.

Peter is sitting on the communal couch, trying to be normal. Watch TV, relax, have some fun. Don’t be a pathetic little bitch that cries all day.

He teases up when Steve sits next to him. “Hey, Peter…”

Peter nods his head. “Hi. How are you?”

“I’m great, how are you?”

“I’m good,” Peter lies. “Did you want to watch something else?”

Steve shakes his head. “No, I’m okay with this.”

They sit in awkward silence for a few minutes, before Steve sighs. “Peter, about Bucky-“

“It’s fine,” Peter interrupts him. “It wasn’t ever about Bucky, trust me.”

“They… Peter, they got together awful fast after-“

“Yeah,” Peter says, jaw clenched. “Tony didn’t cheat on me though.”

“Oh, Peter…”

“It was a long time coming!” Peter yells loudly, not noticing Tony walking in. “I’m not good enough, and Tony knew it! I’m ugly, I’m horrible in bed, I’m stupid and immature, and I’m just not worth the trouble! Bucky didn’t have anything to do with that, okay?” He storms out of the room, fighting back the tears stinging at his eyes.

Steve watches him go in shock, before turning to Tony. “What did you _do_?”

~

Peter is staring at himself in the mirror again. He doesn’t know what he’s hoping for. Maybe a miracle. Maybe if he stares long enough, he’ll magically turn attractive.

He’s not sure how to fix his looks. He can work on being less stupid and immature. He can practice to get better in bed. But he doesn’t know how to make his face less… ugly. And Flash wasn’t specific enough about why his legs are ugly. He just said they were.

He turns around, looking at his ass over his shoulder. Maybe he could lose some weight, too. He’s in the healthy range, but losing some fat is never a bad thing, right? His ass _is_ way too big, now that he looks right at it. It’s embarrassing, really. Jesus, his ass is so… ew!

He looks at his legs, next. Maybe he should invest in waxing. Maybe it’s the hair that’s so gross. Maybe he needs to chill with working out, too. Maybe his legs are too muscular.

He looks at his stomach. He doesn’t have much fat here. Maybe it’s just that he’s so muscular. Maybe his V is too pronounced. Maybe his chest is too big. It kinda looks like he has tits. Maybe that’s what’s wrong.

He sighs and looks down at his dick. MJ said it was a good size. Flash said it was small, but it was okay for a bottom. Harry said it was the perfect size for deep throating. Tony called it cute.

Maybe that’s another thing. Maybe his dick is too embarrassing to look at. Maybe Tony wants to bottom sometimes but he can’t because Peter is so pathetically _not_ endowed.

The more he looks at himself, the more he hates himself. He can’t think of even one single thing about his appearance he likes.

He’s too fat. He’s too muscular. He’s too hairy. He’s too small. His face is ugly. Everything about him is ugly.

And he’s a bad lay.

~

Peter snaps his laptop shut. “Jesus, Bucky! Don’t you knock!?”

Bucky moves around in front of the couch. “It’s the communal living room.”

Peter huffs. “Why were you looking over my shoulder?”

“Why were you looking up ‘how to be good at sex’?” Bucky shoots back.

Peter presses his lips together. “Trying to fix myself.”

“Peter…”

“It’s none of your fucking business anyway. I can look up anything I want to.”

“You’ve been losing weight really quickly. But you haven’t been working out with us anymore.”

Peter glares down at his lap. “What about it?”

“Peter… you-“

“You can’t tell me what to do!” Peter yells at him.

“I’m not trying to…”

“Go fuck Tony, why don’t you?!” He yells, before leaving again.

~

Tony grabs Peter by the wrist. Very small wrist. Too small. “What the hell are you doing to yourself?”

Peter huffs. “It isn’t any of your business, now is it? You broke up with me.”

“Peter… Bucky says you aren’t eating.”

“So?” His voice breaks.

“So, I still care about you!”

“Could have fooled me,” Peter spits out aggressively.

“Peter…why do you think we broke up?”

Peter gives him a pained expression. “Because I’m not good enough for you.”

Tony winces, and he shakes his head. “Oh my god, Peter. No. That’s not the reason at all, I-“

“Yes it is! I’m bad in bed, I’m ugly, I’m fat, I’m too muscly and hairy, I’m an idiot, I’m immature, and-“

“Peter stop!” Tony cries. He actually has tears in is eyes; it’s painful to hear someone he loves so much say such god awful things about himself.

“It’s true! I asked around. All my exes had the exact same things to say. And then I thought about it and looked in the mirror and I saw it. I get it now. I wouldn’t wanna be with me either. I was dumb to think someone as hot and good as you would ever be attracted to me, let alone able to love me. But- but I’m getting better. I can’t fix my face, but I’m losing weight and I’m waxing and I stopped working out so much. And I’m trying to be more mature, and less nerdy. I know you’re never going to take me back, especially now that you have Bucky, but I’m really just hoping that someone, someday will be able to put up with me. I don’t want to be unlovable anymore.”

Tony looks broken. Beyond broken. “Peter-“

Peter shakes his head. “It isn’t your fault. I’ve always been like this.” He says, before leaving.


End file.
